I stopped trying to make my husband love working out. Letting go of my 'fitness-couple fantasy' helped our marriage.

• Fitness is the one area where my husband and I don't see eye to eye.
• He views my intense regimen as excessive, and I think he could be doing more to support his health.
• Once we accepted our different activity levels, our marriage improved.

Whenever I see a couple working out together, I can't help but wonder what it would be like to share an exercise routine with a partner.

My husband and I have a lot in common, from being bilingual to working in creative fields. Fitness, however, is the one thing we've always approached differently during our nearly 17-year marriage.

I've been working out since I was a teenager. Now I'm in my 60s and strength train for two hours three times per week, walk our dog daily, practice yoga three times per week, and train for the occasional 5K race.

My husband didn't start exercising until he was well into his 40s. Now, at 61, he goes to the gym three times per week, finishing each session in less than 30 minutes. I feel like he could do more, but he's content with his routine.

He's supported me as I've trained for a half-marathon and several shorter races, become a certified yoga instructor, and learned to do pull-ups. That said, he doesn't share (or completely understand) my desire to accomplish intense fitness goals.

To him, my lengthy workouts seem excessive, but to me, they're a nonnegotiable part of who I am.

Early in our relationship, I tried to push my fitness-couple fantasy — but we've since accepted our differences

When my husband and I got together and blended our families, I signed us all up for a nearby racquetball club with a gym and lap pool. I figured it'd be a fun way for us to spend time together and stay healthy.

It didn't go as planned. The kids had a blast, but my husband would leave before I even finished warming up. If I, a former fitness instructor, corrected his form, he'd resent it. I realized he wasn't working out to excel and didn't want to spend hours in the gym.

It sometimes bothered me that he didn't invest more time and energy in fitness, and also that we couldn't enjoy it together.

Because my husband and I see eye-to-eye on pretty much everything except fitness, I eventually realized I had to let go of the fantasy that paddleboarding, hiking, swimming laps, or some other activity would finally turn us into a couple that enjoyed exercising together regularly.

If I want to take our dog for a long walk, I go by myself. I reserve walks with my husband for the days I'm OK turning around after 15 minutes.

I prioritize fitness, so if I have to push back dinner or skip an event to fit in a workout, I will. When life gets busy, the first thing to come off his calendar is usually a workout. I decided to stop trying to make him love intense exercise, and he accepted that I wasn't going to dial back my routine.

Our marriage improved when we found joint hobbies outside of the gym

None of my past partners have been fitness buffs, so I don't know what it would be like to share a life with someone as dedicated to exercise as I am. However, I'd take my husband's values, dependability, and willingness to work things out over a desire to match my fitness goals any day.

Once I accepted his laid-back approach to fitness and he accepted my commitment to working out, exercise stopped being a point of contention.

My fitness routine — which I consider the bare minimum and he considers obsessive — is nonnegotiable. I now realize that I don't need to work out with my husband to feel connected to him.

There are a lot of other things we enjoy together, such as discussing creative projects, traveling, and taking improv and acting classes. Now that we've both accepted the other's approach to fitness, we don't argue about it and are happier as a couple.

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